This is a hard blog to write. I had an appointment with Dr. McCarren on Thursday. I was scheduled to have a chemo treatment on Friday. Dr. McCarren suggested that I should consider stopping all chemo treatments at this point. My lesions have not grown but they also have not been reduced from the treatment. Also, during this time, I have received a number of tumors, including two during this past session. Dr. McCarron said that she thought she would be doing more harm than good by continuing.
This was hard news to receive, but not terribly surprising. I agree with Dr. McCarren. I am at peace with this decision. I did not receive chemo treatment on Friday.
This has been a very difficult past month. I have had various side effects, which have been difficult to handle. Fortunately, members of my family and community have been there for me throughout the month. They have been very supportive.
I plan to spend my last days in PEI. My mother and siblings will look after me with the assistance of home care. It is important that I leave quickly as I am finding it harder to travel. My hope and expectation is that my body will be returned to Guelph for burial in our Jesuit cemetery. Death could be quite far down the road; it could also be quite soon.
I am living in the midst of mystery now. There is so much I want to do; so much to be done. There have been so many prayers! Why this result? I know that my thoughts beyond reaching PEI in the next couple of weeks will focus on the journey beyond. While I am approaching this part of the journey with peace, I recognize that there is still much need for prayer to sort out a few things, including some of the mix feelings I have. I am grateful for this time. Life is a real mystery.
All of creation is groaning. I do not have control over the life of Earth during this time of illness as well. Like Earth, I continue to groan.