This new round of treatments has begun with the first one on Tuesday. I am relieved to have begun. I have not had any major upsets or reactions. I am just in the “feeling crappy” phase. I take my last prednisone pill later today. If this is like previous treatments, the couple days following this may be harder. I am also receiving the neupogen drug by needle every day until tomorrow. This should be stimulating my white blood cells, and prevent a recurrence of a visit to the hospital which happened with my first treatment last year.
My body is full of drugs. I cannot say that I am happy with this, as I always liked to eat somewhat healthy food and be strong without drugs. I am gradually viewing drugs to be instruments of God’s healing as well, and the scientists and medical personnel behind them, as also part of the Christ Project (to use Teilhard’s words). It is a bit of a mind switch, though. Lots of questions, lots of Mystery.
This time round, I have more time on my hands as I am not working at the centre. My daily routine is getting up, eating, praying, reading, going to the centre for Eucharist and lunch, reading, having a visit from the nurse, and then having an even easier evening before bed. I try and get outside if I have the energy. I am living this a bit more introspectively. The time has not been too long yet, but I can see that it might get that way. Last year, I was focussed on the future. I had goals, etc. This year, the future seems harder to know – perhaps more realism has set in. In writing a friend recently, I recalled a very difficult fall that we had in the farm community when we both lived there. Our farm manager was in a serious accident, and we had a full harvest to bring in during a rainy fall. It almost seems like an ancient memory now, and we got through it with grace. The pain also passed. Will this seem like so, someday? The only way we got through it was “one day at a time.” Can there be any other way?